


Xena - World Cup Soccer Head of Eve Spoof

by kalitime



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-19
Updated: 2002-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalitime/pseuds/kalitime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xena's beginning to regret saving her daughter.</p>
<p>I first wrote this in May of 2002. Late nights and no sex life lead a body to be quite creative. Whether this shows a gift for talent...is up in the air.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xena - World Cup Soccer Head of Eve Spoof

*Opening scene*

Livia/Eve as usual won't shut up with the "I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli." routine and everyone's nerves are just a bit frayed. Xena begins to think regret that she killed the Gods off for the life of her daughter. Ares is still angling for Xena's body (with a bit of Gabrielle on the side). Mephistopheles has a plan but waits to see how it will all go with everyone else....

Scene 1: Former Temple of Ares now dedicated to the followers of Eli in a somewhat shady takeover....

 

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Mephistopheles: Oh shut up, like it's really working!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Mephistopheles: Xena, do you admit being this idiots mother?

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Xena: If I have to....I should have let Gabrielle keep Hope alive....

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Gabrielle: *thinking to herself* Where in Hades are those Furies when we need them...Oh wait, we killed Hades... damn it!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Ares: I gave up my Immortality for THIS?

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Ghost of Hades: It almost makes me wish I could feel the torments of Tartarus.....

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Callistos spirit from somewhere deep inside Livia/Eve: What the f*** was I thinking to come back as this b****?!?!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Eli from Heaven: OK Eve dear, it's time to tone it down a bit...

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Eli: SHUT THE F*** UP YOU TWISTED B****!!!!!!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Octavius: Thank the Gods I DIDN'T marry her!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Everyone in heaven, hell, earth, and in between as well as other universes and all things that can be answered by The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: SHUT THE F*** UP, YOU STUPID B****!!!!!

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Ares: Xena, do you think she's still the precious little girl you left all those years ago?

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Xena: Give me my sword.....

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Gabrielle: Give me my little stick....

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Eli: Give me strength....(and to Gabrielle) I could work better than your little stick you know....

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Ghost of Hades: Give me a break already, would you?!!?

Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

*Xena swings her sword, cutting the head off her daughter*

Head of Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

*The Energizer bunny passes by this scene and seeing that Livia/Eve can outlast him, he rolls off the nearest Roman bridge to his death*

Head of Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

*Womens US Soccer team joins the rest of the world in kicking the Head of Livia/ Eve around*

Head of Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Valaska: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Head of Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

Mephistopheles: Yo, Brandi! Kick her my way!

Head of Livia/Eve: I denounce this evil in the name and spirit of Eli.

*Mephistopheles kicks a winning goal over the head of the Brazilian goalie*

Head of Livia/Eve: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!

Everyone: *Sigh of relief*

Xena: Finally, we got her to shut up. Where's Ares, we've got to be able to do better than that as far as a kid....

*Ending theme*


End file.
